I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
