i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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