I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
