Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
