It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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