My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
