your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
