Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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