I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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