just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All the doctor said was why
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
