I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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