i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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