I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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