like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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