Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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