so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
