It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
