The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
