I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
