Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
