I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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