I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
