my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
ttyl tear gas
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
