i will never coherently bang her
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
