I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
