Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
