Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
