just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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