What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
