i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
