I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
