i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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