my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
