it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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