i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize