Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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