tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
