I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
