i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
