It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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