you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
