I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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