fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
