we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
