can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I got her a Nickelback box set.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize