He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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