I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am spending my child support on dildos
she looked like the before picture.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
