Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
