Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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