He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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