WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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