I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
being pregnant is like rehab
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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