The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
how does that bad decision feel?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
