we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
