I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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