Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
