"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
