lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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