just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
