Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize