Little spoons don't ask big questions
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
