i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize