He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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