smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
