and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
