if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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