Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
