The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
