We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
