That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
