we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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