What did we do last night that was yellow?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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