Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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