it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
