I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
someone owes me an orgasm
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I supernannyed him into submission
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
