So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
