He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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