she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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