...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
