I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
