Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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