I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize