My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
